Step 2 to recovery? Go to therapy.
If you have gone through a slew of therapists like me, you may have noticed that many therapists who specialize in ED, are most likely recovered themselves (I am making an assumption here). Most will not tell you this, but the best ones will. Find a therapist who is going to call BS on you. Someone who holds you accountable and can see right through your lies and excuses. You have to be completely honest in therapy. ED is super good at teaching you to lie, deceive, and manipulate those around you. Therapy is not the time or place to do those things. You have to be an open book and you have to be willing to hear things that you don’t want to hear.
The best therapists are ones that interrupt you and talk for a good portion of your session. It drove me crazy to sit there for an hour and not have the therapist engage with me. Hello??!! I am paying you to advise me on what to do, not just sit there and stare at me! So find someone who is not only going to listen to you, but is also going to engage with you. I also like therapists who give you homework. It could be a book that they want you to read, a writing assignment that they want you to do or perhaps a risk that they want you to take, like applying to a job. I always have found that a good therapist is one that gets you out of your comfort zone.
Some things will go right over your head -like the billion times I had therapists tell me to write on post-it notes positive affirmations and stick them on my bathroom mirror. Yea, I’ll pass. But the ones that were brutally honest, like the time my favorite therapist said, “Robin. Your dog is small and doesn’t need to walk every day for an hour. You are overexercising her. You’re going to kill her” (or something to that affect), those are the therapists you want to keep.
When can you stop therapy? That is entirely up to you. I have always been one that sees therapy as something short term. I currently am not seeing anyone but I am always open to going back. For me, I have always stopped going to therapy once I find that I do not have much more to say on the matter. If your session becomes more of a surface level, “do you have any vacation plans?” type of conversation then perhaps it is time to take a break. This of course is something you should discuss with your therapist to see if they are on the same page.
So in my opinion, if you have seen the same therapist for a year and still have not made real effective progress, take a risk and find a new one. I know starting over with a therapist is not ideal. All those conversations that have been had will seem like a huge waste…but finding a really good therapist will be worth the effort.
Step 3 to recovery?
Take a risk. See my blog called “The “C” Word”.