Step 5 to recovery? Spend time with your opposite.
Have you ever been to a party surrounded by women and all they talk about is their weight and the latest fitness trends? Does it ever leave you feeling like you aren’t good enough, thin enough, desirable enough? If so, I encourage you to spend some time with your opposite. Go hang out with your girlfriend who will go to dinner and order fries with an extra side of aioli. If you find that all your friends behave and think exactly as you in terms of food and exercise (perhaps they even have disordered thoughts), I encourage you to make new ones. It doesn’t mean you have to cut ties with your ‘Jane Fonda family’, but you should also have a circle of friends (all you need is one) that will get you out of your “ED head”. Like the married friend who will take you to a club and have a “few too many” with you after you break up with your boyfriend of 10 years?… Find THAT friend. And no, I am not saying you need to get wasted or stuff your face with french fries to get over ED. But you do need to give ED less control and sometimes that means doing the exact opposite of what ED wants you to do.
Yes, I know it is super rare and hard to make friends who have nothing in common with you. But what you will perhaps discover is that you are more like them than you think, you just don’t allow yourself to be because ED is too controlling. By the way, it certainly doesn’t have to involve eating or drinking. It could be a friend that will come over on a random Sunday afternoon and watch ‘When Harry Met Sally’ for the 100th time (this example may not make sense for some, but if you have experienced ED, it is at times painful to just sit and do absolutely nothing). Or maybe you call up your friend and instead of going to Pilates, you go to a meditation class. Or maybe your weekly running club becomes instead your monthly book club.
For me, my opposite was my husband. I enjoy food so much more now because my husband enjoys eating out and indulging from time to time. Through him I learned that I actually LOVE food. I really do! Do I still make healthful choices when out to eat? Sometimes. Will I order grilled fish over fried fish on my tacos? Yes. But will I eat those tacos loaded with sour cream and guac? Definitely yes. My husband taught me to love food again and that alone is a huge step to recovery. I believe that if I was with someone who was a gym rat and a health foods fanatic, that I would not be in the place that I am now. My husband has the mentality that life is too short, so if you desire an ice cream sundae with extra chocolate sauce, have it! And yes, you will feel guilt and disgusted with yourself for eating the sundae or sitting and watching a movie, but that is why I encourage you to find a friend who will do it with you. Let them be your support system and help you through your recovery. I think you will find that doing the opposite of what ED wants you to do is not only healing but it is also way more fun.
So call up your aioli loving friend and tell the waiter, “I’ll have what she’s having”.
Yours,
Robin