So how has ED been treating me the last 5 months?
I will say ED has been bi coastal the last 5 months. I have not weighed myself since probably June. To be honest, I am a little scared to see what it says. I feel like although my exercise has been pretty consistent, my diet has been kind of a roller coaster. I was working very little this summer, so I was able to get back into running and working out every day. I also became quite the chef! I tried doing vegetarian meals 5x per week and did different meals every night. I will post some when I have a chance! I have to say that having a husband who is an ex- vegetarian who now eats mainly meat, is THE most annoying thing in the world. It’s like he forgot he used to be a non meat eater. God forbid he eats beans. Needless to say, we are back to eating chicken and sausage weekly. Going vegetarian was simply me trying to save money by not buying meat; it was not a disordered thought.
I also fell back in love with yoga over the summer. I went about 2x per week and it felt amazing! I have conquered my shirtless venture. I go shirtless almost every class now in yoga. I wish I could keep going frequently but I am busy with this new job. Now that I am working full-time my workouts are shorter and less intense but I still try to get one in daily.
What I am working on right now is just my eating habits. I am not eating a lot throughout the day, meaning I do not snack; so I overeat in the evenings. I am trying to work on breaking this habit, since right now that is all it is… I am not hungry. I am just either anxious, bored or mainly tired. So I have had lots of negative self talk because I feel like I have gained weight and do not feel like my best self. I saw pictures of me at my sister’s wedding and I thought I looked huge. I told my husband, “why didn’t you tell me I was so fat?”. My question was not received well.
My sister told me once that after you turn 25, your body goes downhill; well I think after 30 your body go downs a very steep hill. So I am trying to stay positive and work on better eating habits. Part of me cares a lot about the way I fit into my clothes right now- they are a little snug- but another part of me also is too tired and too busy to care too much. It’s the constant tug-a-war that ED plays in your mind: Do I want to be skinny and work my ass off in the gym or do I want to be normal and watch TV and eat some chips after a long day of work? I think once I get back in the groove of working full-time and finding a balance of work and working out, I will feel much better.
What I have learned the past month is how important staying busy and productive (ie working, volunteering, etc) is for someone who is battling ED. It is one of the most important things that you can do for yourself. It makes you more confident, adds value to your life and most importantly it allows you to take some control away from ED. The less time you have to think about ED, the less time he can book that plane ticket to see you.