If you have ever experienced an eating disorder, these are some things that people may say to you that sound amazing in theory, but are extremely difficult to put in to action/or believe if you are consumed by ED (or once was).
1)”Wouldn’t you rather be a little overweight and happy than underweight and miserable?”.
ED me would reply : “No I would rather be underweight and happy. Duh.”.
But of course having ED and being happy are like oil and water. They do not go together. Once you break free from ED and start developing feelings for NED, this statement starts to resonate with you a little bit better. However, I will say that I still would not choose “overweight and happy” but just “happy”. Your happiness should not be dependent on your weight.
P.S. My sister said this to me once. She is 5’9″ and 120 lbs so you can imagine how badly I wanted to punch her in her face.
2) “You look great”.
If you are still dating ED and your mother or father (or whoever) says to you, “You look great!”, ED will immediately become very angry. Even though your parents genuinely mean what they said, a person with ED will hear “you’ve gained 10 pounds”. Refrain from making comments about someone’s body (regardless of how genuine you are being) if you know for a fact that they are struggling or recovering from ED.
3. “Just stop eating”… or “just eat more”.
If you are anorexic, the thought of eating more food literally terrifies you. You are petrified that any extra morsel of food will instantly put 3 lbs on you. When ED is around, you are never too thin. The only reason that I started to eat more, was because my mom sought help for me and I had professionals helping me along the way. I am thankful that I had my eating disorder when I did (underage) so that I was forced to get help.
For someone who has binge disorder, this comment is also laughable. If I could stop eating, I would! But I literally cannot. Once you have negotiated with ED that you plan on bingeing, it is extremely hard to put on the brakes. In your head you know you should stop and should have not started in the first place, but ED is extremely persuasive. I used to binge because I felt like I needed to exercise and sometimes the only way to get myself to exercise was to guilt myself into doing it by eating a ton of food beforehand. If I ate, then I HAD to exercise. Many years later, I now know that if I truly to do not want to exercise, then I shouldn’t. And I find that if I allow myself to go into this headspace (being ok with not working out), then my eating stays in check for the rest of the day.
4. “Here, have another…”.
Being that having an eating disorder is a way of asserting control, most people with ED do not like it when people tell them when or what to eat. For example, I will most likely go for a second brownie if you do not say anything to me. However, if you say to me “here have another brownie”, ED will appear and the brownie will be denied, even though I secretly want more. Certain people are certain triggers in this case. Your friend may not be a trigger so if she said this to you, you would reply with a simple “sure!” But perhaps maybe one of your family members is a trigger, in which case you would deny that brownie all day long. It is obviously hard to know if you are going to be a trigger for someone, so I would really encourage those with ED, to speak openly to those who are triggers and let them know how you feel.
5. “You should smile more”
Especially if you are a dude. Do not say this to a woman. And especially do not say it to someone with ED. Eating disorders can affect people’s moods in a matter of seconds. One minute you are completely fine and then you happen to eat too many chips with your sandwich at lunch and your day becomes a downward spiral. People with ED also have a higher tendency to have depression which makes it harder to get back to your ‘happy state’. Saying this comment will just sadden or anger them further. Next time someone says this to you, fake smile right back at them and say “mind your own business”.